rock the bank

POOP.

I am a person that is very, very easy to make laugh. I remember one time in fourth grade during lunch my friend Ethan stopped mid-bite, turned, looked me straight in the eye and said “yogurt.”

Chocolate milk spewed out my nose.

So that being said, my standards for humor are not high. You said the word poop in the right tone to me and I will laugh. We could be in church, at a funeral, I could be giving birth and I would still laugh at potty jokes. So now with all that build up I present to you, with no context, the picture that I just spent the last 20 minutes laughing out loud at. Alone.

If you do want context, go here: http://www.booksofadam.com it is literally one of my favorite things on the internet.

13th Feb 2012

baconbaconbaconbacon

Today for lunch I had bacon chips and bacon sandwich. Too much bacon you say? No such thing, says I.

8th Feb 2012

[Flash 10 is required to watch video]

Sometime last week one of my friends here in London got two free tickets to this show called Rock of Ages. Apparently when she heard the title of the show I was the first thing that popped into her head and so she invited me to go with her. We looked it up beforehand and learned it was an American musical set in the classy, classy town of Los Angeles with 80’s rock power ballads as it’s soundtrack.

Naturally, we were pumped as all hell to go sing our heart outs and be the obnoxious Americans we knew we could be. And we were. But also, the play was surprisingly awesome. I tried to be really sneaky and score some footage on my phone, but the only clip that I managed to get was right after one of the characters (A metrosexual German man who’s biggest dream in life is to open his own cupcake shop) rip off his suit to reveal a sparkling spandex onesie and break out into ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot.’ If you listen real close you can probably hear me laughing my ass off.

26th Jan 2012

we found love in a hopeless place

Today I went to the largest urban shopping center in Europe. I also went to the 2012 Olympic Park, a site of huge global, cultural and historical significance, and a symbol of pride, potential and prosperity for all British people.

But who cares about that, GUYS I WENT SHOPPING.

Because at this, this most glorious of malls, there was a four story Forever 21. **cue hallelujah chorus**

soooooo beautifuuuuuul

26th Jan 2012

in which i went to china

Today I went to London’s version of Chinatown, which is really just one side street with about 20 restaurants with the word ‘dragon’ in them. Also one called Legendary Dumplings, so obviously that is where we went to eat. I got Dim Sum and made a mess.

Anyways, point of this blog: while we were eating we decided to list all the things that we knew about the Chinese New Year. And it goes a little something, like this:

It lasts for 2 weeks…maybe.
There are ~~nine~~ twelve animals in the zodiac (it took us awhile to convince someone that, no, chicken was not an animal in the zodiac, we are pretty sure)
lanterns

And that was about it. Also, a drawing of a dragon was made that looks suspiciously like a sperm with teeth. After we made the list we reflected on where we gained this vast Asian knowledge. We soon realized that, amongst the 3 of us, 3 sources were clear:

That Jackie Chan cartoon from WB
Jack Long American Dragon King, or whatever.
Some cartoon on PBS about a bunch of Chinese cats.

I don’t exactly know why, but I LOL’d at the one of the cats for a looong time.

So, there you have it. Mom, Dad, this is what you are paying for when you send me to college.

Also, we stole a Chinese lantern from the street.

Also, also, there was a sudden wind. And I was wearing a skirt. And I a sweet old Asian woman may or may not have seen my underwear.

16th Jan 2012

wild bearded cat tamer & why his life is better than mine

So today I only had one class that got out at one, so, like a good woman I went grocery shopping. On the way back I decided to try out a short cut (adventure!) and as I was walking down the street, I saw this:

A grunge-y, homeless looking man with a CAT on a LEASH, just DRAPED ACROSS HIS FREAKIN SHOULDERS. Just walking down the street, like this was normal. And the cat was just sitting there, cruising around, no cares, just whatever.

And like, I seemed to be the only one that thought this was strange, nobody else seemed to care that there was a dang cat whisperer in our midst. I wasn’t sure if I had taken a wrong turn and ended up in Narnia or something, because cats don’t do that. A cat will not just sit on your shoulders long enough for you to take a leisurely stroll through London unless they are a.) dead or b.) roofied. I can tell you for a fact that if I ever tried that with my idiot of a cat, it would end up looking like this:

Conclusion: cats are jerks that will never love you as much as you love them. I’m sure there is another, more profound sentiment to be found in this story, like how material items are meaningless without love, but please, I’m not doing a semester abroad to further my education or anything. So no more of that.